A Survivor’s Account of a Breakup

We had been in a happy relationship or at least, that is what I had thought. I had been thinking that right until the moment we broke up. When the moment was upon me, I had had no intimation and did not know how to react. She had left but my lessons had just begun. After struggling through each stage, I decided to write down a few pointers. I am sharing them here so that you won’t struggle around as I had. Believe that it is happening The first thing to do is to get with the program. The break up has taken place and you will just have to grin and bear it. Know that the breaking up part is only the beginning. Once it has happened, there is still a lot of healing that you need to do. Once I accepted the break up, I could take steps to move on. Squash all thoughts of getting back together The next golden rule is never asking to get back. If you do not have kids, it might be easier to do so. All you would need to do is block all lines of communication. If you and your ex were bringing up kids together, then things might be a little complicated. Obviously, you would have to stay in touch with them. Nevertheless, don’t let yourself get stuck to a negative communication. If you do that, you will only be picking at your wounds, instead of letting them heal. I learned that the hard way because even though we did get back together for a brief time, things were never the same. Lay off the caffeine Since the relationship is over, it is likely that you only need to worry about keeping yourself happy. If that is true, then you will need to be on your guard. At such a stressful time, it will be easy to get drawn into a bad habit pattern. Alcohol, smoking, or caffeine, it does not matter what it is, if you are indulging in it. It may start with a one beer one day after work and become a regular habit of yours. Focus on adopting healthier habits or just staying healthy. Join a gym after work and spend some time working out there. I dusted off my racquet and started playing tennis again. Find yourself As one-half of a relationship, there are many things that you think you can do without. You change in ways that you don’t even realise. You may have stopped going out with friends every weekend and substituted it with an activity that is geared towards the two of you spending time together. Post-break up life will be different. You might need to figure out what you want to spend your time etc. Think of things that used to matter before you entered the relationship and start there. You may have outgrown some of the activities from before and that is completely fine. Experiment until you successfully find yourself. I realise how much I had missed playing tennis when I took it up again. Once I had set these rules, they seemed to have worked for me on more than one occasion. I hope they help you with your break up too.